Nov 6, 2007


It is the second day after the start of daylight savings time. I feel groggy and tired. My eyes are sticky and sleepy. I miss home and my mother and corn chowder. I want to curl up on the couch, lay my head on a soft pillow and hide under my quilt. I want to dream of things that are just out of reach and be sad when I awake, because it was just a dream.

Then, I want to stop being a girl. I want to quiet the voice in my head that makes me want to scream. I want to stop crying. I want to rip all of these stupid girly emotions out of my head and stomp on them. I want this weight on my chest and lump in my throat to disappear.

I want to wear a new dress and to sip a martini. I want to flirt with my husband. I want to hear him laugh, because it has been so long. I want him to whisper things in my ear that make me blush. I want to hold his hand and look in his eyes. I want to feel his hand on the small of my back.

I want to stop the world from spinning. I want everything to be quiet for a while.

I want to stop wanting.

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