May 10, 2007

Praying That I Don't Burn Myself

I have to bake tonight……..this scares the chocolate out of me.

Okay, so I am not that bad of a baker……I just don't have much experience. I don't bake, because I don't have too. Granny Garton and her sisters are the queens of baking. Their made-from-scratch-so-much-butter-you-will-have-a-heart-attack-crust is nothing to compete with. Why in the world would I ever bake something when it will just look and taste like a cow pie next to their exquisite homemade confectionary creations?

Their recipes actually call for REAL ingredients……vanilla extract, unbleached all-purpose flour, baking soda, etc. My view on cooking follows a more modern approach…….I approach the directions on the box of cake mix, add eggs and milk and pray that I don't burn it. I have found the up-do-date modern replacement for their fresh whipped cream-cheese icing or mile-high meringue…….icing in a spray can!!! You can write your name or spray directly in your mouth…… for the love of all things holy, why did they not have this when I was a child?????? (They probably did and my mother never let me know.)

The real reason that I am baking is my company is having a hamburger cookout as a fundraiser for our Relay For Life team. Relay For Life is very important to us, as we have had many employees touched by cancer this year. We take this event very seriously and want to raise as much money as possible for the event.

Please drop by after work tomorrow and start your weekend off right! With every plate of food that you buy, you receive a FREE warm fuzzy feeling that you did something nice for your community and to help raise a few dollars for a great cause…….oh, and every plate also comes with a raffle ticket for some great door prizes…….especially if you like tools.

So come grab a plate and hang out with me a while! I promise that I won't make you eat anything that I make!

May 1, 2007

Hairy Cheese and Green Algae

Spring has sprung at Casa de Garton. Sprung to the point that I am thinking about cleaning……really, no kidding.

The weather is beautiful and hovers around 80 degrees on the hottest day. I, of course, have flung open the windows to allow fresh air to flow through the house and remove that winter-time stench. I love this weather. I love fresh clean spring time air… makes me long for the smell of Mr. Clean, Windex and Pledge.

I actually cleaned my refrigerator this weekend. Now, I am not talking about pulling out Tupperware containers that I forgot I owned or throwing out cheese that has hair……I scrubbed the darn refrigerator. I pulled shelves and drawers out and soaked them in Mr. Clean. I cleaned nooks and crannies that I didn't even know were there. I defrosted the freezer and emptied and cleaned the ice maker (that hasn't worked in over a year, but still deserved to be cleaned).

The one thing that I am most excited about cleaning is not at my house. My neighbor has a swimming pool that has gone neglected. It wasn't covered during the winter month, the pump hasn't been on and there is lots of debris and other yucky slimy creepy stuff in the murky water. It is so neon green with algae that I am surprised that it doesn't glow at night. Any frog, snake or swampy animal would find it cozy.

So, after about two margaritas and a little encouragement from Sweet Carolina, I called my neighbor (who doesn't live there and he is trying to sell the house). He didn't answer, so I left the following message on his voice mail:

"Hi Joe, it is Heather from next door. Say, I know what would help your house sell much faster. I think that you really need to get your pool back in shape. I will be happy to help and then I could maintain it since you aren't here. Every once in a while, I could even jump in to check the water temperature and make sure that the buoyancy of floats is top-notch. Let me know what you think!"

Joe called back the next day and told me to do whatever I wanted with the pool…….whatever I wanted with the pool!! I HAVE A POOL FOR THE SUMMER! Or at least until his house sells. Now I just have to figure out how to get the darn thing from neon green to crystal clear and sparkling. I am sure that I can handle it…….I got a B in college chemistry. I am going to shock it tonight and get the filter and pump working again. I will be scrubbing the sides and vacuuming the bottom this weekend, if anyone feels the need to get slimy with me.

YEE HAW!!!! I HAVE A POOL FOR THE SUMMER! If there are no more blog posts until October, you will know where to find me.

(As a side note, please keep Sweet Carolina in your prayers. Her air-conditioner broke last week and this 80 degree beautiful spring weather is just TOO MUCH for her to handle. She and her husband spent Sunday afternoon at our house in order to escape the burning depths of hell that their condo has become. She even abandoned her husband at the condo last night to go spend the night at her parent's house because she could feel the skin melting off her body. Please pray that the air conditioner man comes to visit her today….or I have a feeling that she is going to move into my guest room and force me to turn my air conditioner on full blast.)