Jan 14, 2008

Mind Games

On New Years Day, my friend Penny went over my astrological chart for the year. While part of me really doesn’t want to believe in readings of stars and planets, part of what she said really makes sense. She determined that I am a true Capricorn. She named personality traits and mannerisms that fit me perfectly. She even correctly analyzed the foods that I eat and how I eat them. Some of the things that she said just gave me the heebie-jeebies.

One thing in particular really stands out in my head. She said that if something that I want to happen doesn’t, then I blame myself for things that I have done in the past. For example, if one of my favorite television shows is a repeat when I wanted it to be new, then it is because I didn't do that load of laundry that desperately needs to be done. Silly, I know, but this is something that I have consistently done since I was young. Something that I had never really thought about until she said it.

Lately, this has been the norm. I guess that with the passing of another year and addition of another digit to my age, it was to be expected. Things that I wanted to be accomplished by a certain date or age just haven’t happened. This has sent my emotions into a downward spiral.

I am beating myself up more and more lately. Sleepless nights and loss of energy quickly followed. But I am slowly getting out of my funk. I just need to readjust and not blame myself.

Maybe my planets are aligning more now or maybe I am just getting to know myself better. I know that God has a plan and I need to trust in him. I just wish that he would give me a hint of what that plan is……so I know that I am not completely losing my mind.

3 comments:

ShortyMom said...

I can't say I've ever had my astrological chart done. Ever. But I have never been one to read my horoscope or anything of that nature.

I think getting older is a wake up call. You realize that time is moving faster and faster with each passing day and then you start to think about the what ifs, coulda, shoulda, woulda's and then what you wanted to do and haven't. But what is always hard to realize is that while there are things you wanted to do, God does have that plan for us and what he wants us to do may not always be the same as what we wanted to do.

I hope you get to feeling better about things soon! That's the most my faith can muster these days...

Ava's Mom said...

I am your friend and I love you. Thankyou for working your way into my plan....

Rachel Baby said...

Hello beautiful...

I'm blessed having known you, even if I don't get to see you often. We are fortunate to maintain communication via email, etc.

I totally understand where you're coming from, because I'm approaching 28. I'm not where I thought I wanted to be...or where I wanted to be several years ago. I do have a wonderful family and friends (who love me), a solid career, a home. But, I'm not married, planning a home or family with someone. That's something that's been so hard for me to deal with over the last year. However, I'm trying to use this time to work on me to be that someone God wants me to be...and to be ready for that person when I meet them.

Saying all of this, continue to rely on Him, Birddog, your family and friends! You're a strong, beautiful woman, and I love you! :)