That Spring-Time Yucky Feeling

Do you ever just not "feel pretty"? I know that I am not the most attractive gal in town, but I don't think that I am bad to look at. I mean, people don't run and hide when I enter a room, so I can't be that bad looking……..but lately I just don't "feel pretty".

I know that it has everything to do with the time of year. The beginning of spring is never a good time for me. My white pasty dry skin has been hiding under thick turtlenecks and wool pants suits all winter long. I don't want to be "that girl" that has shorts on with legs that glow in the dark. And get this…….I own a tanning bed. Well, part of a tanning bed at least. My mother-in-law and I share a tanning bed, but it is at her house and I am too lazy to drive 3 miles to lay in it. Well, that is not entirely the truth. Ever since my mother had skin cancer eight years ago, I feel horribly guilty laying in a tanning bed…….and scared of the consequences it might bring.
My skin isn't just pasty and pale……it has wrinkles too. WRINKLES! WHAT THE HELL??? If these lines on my forehead get any deeper I am going to scream. The wrinkles between my eyebrows are starting to hang out in groups and crows feet are starting to appear. Speaking of eyebrows……they look like huge caterpillars on my face. I am in desperate need of a waxing.

I have not cut my hair since January…….which is not odd for me. I only get my hair cut about 4 times a year, usually whacking off about 2 inches at a time. But it is in desperate need of some attention. My highlight roots can be seen from space, my dead-ends are starting to get very fuzzy and the gray hairs are staring to become more plentiful. You can't really tell if I wear my hair curly all the time…….which Kyle is loving. Of course, my beautician is opening a new salon and won't be open for another week, so I have to suffer a little while longer. I think that I am going to do something different this time. Blonde? Red? Shorter?

My fingernails are not polished and they are far from straight and even in length. I am horrible about trimming them…….and on occasion I still bite them. Don't even get me started on my toe nails and winter feet……..but that problem should be solved this afternoon. Sweet Carolina is treating me to a pedicure. I think she has the winter-time bla's like me.
I guess that I am just feeling sorry for myself. Turning 30 didn't bother me……but I don't want to look older. I hate feeling unattractive.

And after feeling mopey and un-pretty and yucky and completely unattractive…….my husband told me that I looked beautiful today as I was leaving for work. That one little sentence has hung in my mind all day. Even though he didn't know how I feel about myself right now......he still thinks I am beautiful. Gosh-darn-it.....I LOVE THAT MAN!